Well, I have neglected this blog for over a year now. A YEAR?! How does time fly by so quickly? It's so true that as you age, time goes faster and faster until you turn around & decades have flown by. I can't believe it's been 18 years since my mom died. I know that it's been this way for 6+ years already, but it's still hard to believe that she's been gone longer than I had her. Sometimes I wish that I could know how I would be different if I grew up with her & my dad. Or even how different I would be if I knew who my dad was. As I reread my last posting, I stumbled upon something I said, that I still hold true. As much as what happens to us/around us affects us, it also doesn't have to completely define who you are. I'd like to see how I'd be different, but then I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I'm coming to terms with that, & coming to accept the fact that, fundamentally, I can't change who I am or what I believe in. Those things would be the same regardless of what my life was like. That being said, there's still many things I need to work on. I'm hoping that as I enter my 30s, I can stop caring so much about what other people think, I can gain control over my thoughts & ruts I "think" myself into, & that I can truly start living my life, not letting fear dictate my decisions. Yes things are scary, does that mean they're going to kill you? NO. If something is scary does it mean that it will end badly? NO. It may be hard & it may hurt in the beginning, but good things can come out of any situation, even if it's just learning that you're stronger than you thought or how to rely on Jehovah instead of your own human thinking. These are the lessons I begin my 30s with, I can't wait to see what else I find out.
What am I grateful for today?
Hot tea.
My 8ft sliding glass door that I can look out & see the world.
Rain/clouds/the potential for snow(yes I love dreary days)
My bed(which I'm going to get in right now so I don't get sicker)
My relationship with Jehovah-without it, I don't know where I'd be.
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